When I became a mother, I expected to be tired. I expected a bit of the baby blues. I expected the diaper changes, the bottle washing, and long nights blurring into short days.
But I didn’t expect loneliness to wrap around me like a second skin. I didn’t expect to cry in the shower, not just from sadness, but from the sheer weight of doing it all… alone.
Mothering far from home or without a village is a different kind of hard.
No aunties are knocking at your door.
No neighbors showing up with hot food.
No grandma offering to rock the baby while you sleep.
You love your baby with your whole soul. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t stretched thin. It doesn’t mean you don’t quietly ask yourself, “How long can I do this without falling apart?”
If you’re mothering in the diaspora or not, and running on fumes, here are five heart-centered ways to protect your mental health. They’re simple. Gentle. And for you.
1. Say the Hard Part Out Loud
You don’t have to smile through the struggle. You don’t have to “be strong” every single day. This is hard. You are tired. And that’s okay. Try whispering this to yourself: “This is not what I imagined. And I can’t carry all of this alone”.
Sometimes, just saying the truth out loud is enough to soften the tension in your chest. It gives your mind permission to stop pretending and your heart permission to seek help.
2. Make Space for Your Voice
You need one space where your real voice can live. Not the filtered, polite version, your honest voice. That space could be:
- A voice note to a trusted friend back home
- A WhatsApp group where everyone is in the same messy season
- Therapy (especially virtual options that understand your cultural background)
- A journal you don’t edit or overthink
Being far from home doesn’t mean your feelings should stay bottled up.
3. Redefine Self-Care (Tiny Still Counts)
Forget the candles, the spa days, and the bubble baths people post about. Self-care for a mom without a village is survival-level sacred. Some days, it looks like:
- Taking the longest shower your baby will allow.
- Sitting in your car with the doors locked and nothing playing.
- Drinking a full cup of tea before it goes cold.
- Singing aloud to old songs you used to love.
These tiny moments matter. Protect them like gold. You’re refilling your soul drop by drop. P.S.: Do not forget to eat your fruits/ nutritious meals while you’re prepping theirs. It took me time to remember that.
4. Build a Micro-Village
It might not be your mom or sister. But even one kind soul can make a difference. Start here:
- A neighbor you wave at each morning.
- A mom at the park who looks just as tired as you.
- A group chat, a book club, a mom’s prayer circle.
One person. That’s all it takes to remind you: You’re not invisible. You’re not alone.
5. Let Go of the Pressure to Be “Perfect”
Your child doesn’t need a mom who has it all figured out. They need one who’s present. Soft. Steady enough to be human. Sometimes that means frozen dinner. Sometimes it means the floor stays unmopped and dishes stay in the sink. Sometimes it means tears before bedtime—yours and theirs.
Letting go of perfection is one of the kindest things you can do for both of you. And above all, do not hesitate to delegate work to your partner or anyone around you, physically. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
